do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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