Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
