we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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