Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
