So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize