I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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