im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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