He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
