I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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