he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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