But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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