sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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