So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
