There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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