Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
