Pappa wants mamma naked
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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