she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
