just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
