youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
