I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
