Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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