i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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