Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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