apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
