This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
