Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
