New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think people are normalizing furries
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
