i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
