why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found the puke drawer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
