may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
