He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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