Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PANTIES FOUND
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
