The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
