All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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