dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
