I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize