I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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