if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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