Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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