yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
