I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
