TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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