Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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