Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
