im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
