I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
