He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
not ubering you a puppy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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