Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize