I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
