Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
