she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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