just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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