you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize