I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
