the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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