The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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