you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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