Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
