I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
