Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
