If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
