Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
