Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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