he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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