Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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