i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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