Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
