Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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