Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
