I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
