CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
